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A Deadly CalmThat night I told Sandy what had transpired at work including mystatement that I was in transition. She was shocked. Wordlessly sherose and went to our bedroom. I remained seated, wondering....She returned later."So you decided to go ahead with this... this... without asking me.Without thinking of me. Without thinking of our marriage. How couldyou be so thoughtless?" I'm sorry, Sandy, it just seemed to happen. Month after month Ievolved I guess from what I was to what I am. It came to a head when mymanagement called me in and asked my intentions. I... just... told themthat I was in transition. Their response was so encouraging that I wasrelieved and also felt trapped by my own words." Well, you go right ahead and do your thing -- do your SRS -- we'll copesomehow. I love you. We'll survive."The OperationAfter consulting with my employer, I started dressing full time. Mysales position worked out well. I did well as a woman, still using thename Julie. Sandy. And in the gentle tease of Penny’s fingers tickling across the back of Amy’s hand, knowing and yet so light as to be completely innocent, Amy found herself captured. She could reveal to no one her secret; to accuse Penny would be to lose her amusing friendship. So they flitted through the air like the scent of attractant musk, courting and sparking without landing upon any one meaningful topic. Frustration and elation teased Amy both; the scent of hope teased her senses constantly.But Penny strutted away in a cloud of feminine beauty, leaving Amy alone to brood in her ugly duckling skin.***The hardest part of being in love – a love, that colloquial thud – was trying to maintain her sense of dignity. For Amy, who could say phrases like ‘anoxic bacterial infection’ without cringing, turned into a blushing, stammering schoolgirl around Penny. She would flush and wave her hands in mid-air, as if trying to conjure up courage or some sort of sense of inner strength to her strangely.
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